She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
