Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
