So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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