If that was your dad, he is hot
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
