I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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