if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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