I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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