It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
