3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize