take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I checked into jail on foursquare
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
