Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
