She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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