One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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