I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
