can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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