I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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