you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
