I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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