What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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