yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
