We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
