I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
