i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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