I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
