is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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