Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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