I can't watch pbs sober anymore
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
