did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
