I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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