I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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