So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
