but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
