Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
