On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Boobs speak an international language.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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