put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
