Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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