Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
