I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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