Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
