I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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