you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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