god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
