this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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