We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
