we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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