He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
