what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
