I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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