Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
