im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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