dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
