Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
