While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
