if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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