She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i came on her dog
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
