Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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