Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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