Life is so much better after having sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
