Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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