On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
