I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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