Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
