I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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