omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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