dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize