"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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