stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
