Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
