You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You pole danced in your parka.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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