i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
