this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
