i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
