You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
