...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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