you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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