I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
