If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
