I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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