we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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