it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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